Hi everyone,

How long will I carry on? How far can pain, sadness and hatred take a man?

My schedule is the tightest it has ever been and I do love the challenge but there are some consequences. I wake up at 5-6 am and go to the gym directly. Though, I’ll be reading for 30 minutes from tomorrow before going to the gym.

Classes are from 9 to 1:30 and then 3 to 7:30. I travel home between the break to have my lunch. Almost 11-12 hours gone like this. Then I come back and spent maybe an hour with my friends. Though, I’m thinking that I need to stop that and work harder.

Then I start working alongside sad songs. I can justify by saying that it boosts creativity in me. I finish my work around 12:30 and then I sit and reminisce till 3 am. Though, sometimes I just work till 2 or 3 (if a lot is pending)

I sleep for around 3-4 hours and my work is not getting most of my time and energy. I don’t know what the future holds but I know that I’m pushing myself.

Honestly, my head and back hurts all the time. I’m always sad no matter anything. I’m not complaining, I’m strong enough to live with all this alone (if you don’t know then I live alone since 14).

I don’t know maybe I’m lacking a purpose to live for and this is a common problem with intelligent people. Elon Musk from a young age wanted to find the answer to what’s our purpose and he concluded that its all about asking the right questions (this is a detailed blog in itself).

Anyways, I imagined my future family and that gave me purpose and perhaps so called happiness. But now its over for some reason and I can’t imagine it anymore.

Listen, I still work even after everything so don’t use having no purpose to not work on your goals. This is really important to know.

To speak the truth, I want to stop everything. Just live normally and like a normal student but I never will.

Keep Growing.

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